I Have Only Myself To Blame

Firstly,I want to admit that i usually make great mistakes in my life. It all started way back in my secondary school era.I guess i'm the naive type of person cagged in a normal mammon biological chaste.During secondary 3,i was able to grab the opportunity of taking 3 pure sciences subjects, Chemistry, Physics and Biology, and also Additional Maths. Well,i thought secondary 3 work didn't require hard labour and so i went on playing and fooling around for a year.I got cocky too.I thought pure science subjects were everything.My cockiness brought me to avenues of troubles. I got caned in school for getting involved in a riot and fight in a car park. This is all thank to my cockiness. I also used to think that i was a smart ass. God forgive me!I squandered my opportunity to go to a good Junior College because by the end of secondary 3, i was failing almost everything except English,Malay and E-Maths.I got myself promoted but have to drop pure Physics and pure Chemistry. I have to take Combined Physics and Chemistry the following year.If i didn't fool around that year,i would have landed myself in some good college. Secondary 4 wasn't that bad. My friends and I found mugging friends from RGS and we started mugging together at the Woodlands Regional Library almost everyday.It was a fruitful friendship.I thanked God for giving me 15 points for my L1R5. So i decided to apply for a good college.First stop was ACJC.Before we sit for our exams,i read up the Junior College catalogue book and i found out that the cut off point for ACJC for year 2002 was 15. Thus, that made me want to join ACJC because i know if i mix around with lots of stoodious people,they will inspire me to work hard. Then the result for the posting of the school came after our first 3 months program. I was shocked to hear that i was to posted to JJC. Why JJC? Well, i decided to appeal to go to ACJC because i can always use my Dragonboat cca as a passport.Guess what? I didn't appeal because firstly my dad wasn't happy with me wanting to go to ACJC and secondly it's a Methodist school. Fuck it man! I shouldn't have listened to my father. I started my life well in JJC. First thing that i looked out for was mugging partners. I searched high and low for them but i couldn't find any. I was depressed.So i turned to my classmates to see whether anyone wants to be my study partner. My effort was futile.My friends,especially those egoistic guys, were actually a burden to me. What do they do? Instead of motivating others, they discounted them and especially me. What's the use of being clever if you're not modest and humble? FUCK THEM. Well, i actually managed to endure with their feats for 2 years. I was again further depressed. I started to hang around with the JJC Malaygangstars and guess what, my old habit started to resurface.I was my old self again.I started to fool around for the whole of J1 and when Promo came,i started to buck up but it was too late.I managed to get promoted but with bad results, B-E-F. I got F for Econs. What the hell! I've got no self-discipline. I'm not blaming the egoistic guys or the Malaygangstars but i have to blame myself for not getting into a good college and not mixing with geeks. Well, all i need was my good old friends,Maly,Aizat,Shafiq and Nurul. I managed to get to the college in the first place because of them. We helped each other a lot. We shouldn't have splitted.We should have sticked together in the same college but the problem was they got good results to get to good colleges but not for Aizat and me. What can i do with 15? Haha. Hmmm...well, managing to get to j2 wasn't a boon at all. J2 means hell for me. Actually, i've already planned to study in November and December but without self-discipline, i simply couldn't do it. This is all thank to Soccer and Rugby. After quiting soccer, i joined rugby. I know what you guys are thinking right now but i guess your notions about me quiting soccer and joining rugby is absolutely wrong.Nah, i didn't join rugby because of that maiden Loh Lay Kwan. Haha. Anyway, my December was burnt up by rugby training and i couldn't do much studying because i have to nurse my mid-foot injury in early December. So,i squandered another opportunity to redeem myself. Hmmm...rugby prolonged until July and right after July, Mid Year Examination came.Most rugby guys were not prepared and obviously most failed. There is no use in getting fourth in rugby inter-school if you screwed up your academic. Well, this bad situation prolonged until Prelims and A level examination. While i'm writing down this entry, it's still A level period and i've just finished maths paper 1 yesterday in which i screwed up again. Sigh. Do i need another year to buck up? Is it worth to repeat? Well, i'm really confused as to whether should i repeat another year to rake in good results in the next A Level. Should i? My parents don't mind and yeah,i've yet to discuss with them about this. Gosh.I've disappoint my parents again. You see, my life is full of regrets,bad mistakes and choices. Why God? The question is whether to repeat or to go to Poly after A level? I'm totally lost. Please God don't tell me that when i grow up,i'll make stupid mistakes like marrying the wrong woman,choosing a wrong job and bla bla bla.Those mistakes are grave and i really want to avoid them.Gosh, when can i ever learn? I understand that i'm the type that learn from past mistakes and i'm good at that but don't tell me i'm going to make grave mistakes before doing something right. I have to change for the better. Well, i think i should stop blabbering now and end my entry here. God,bless me with blissful life!