Are You A Singaporean?

Top 10 Items To Own That Makes You A Singaporean

10) An audio file of Mai Hum by Lee Hsien Loong (orchestrated by Mr Brown)
One of our own production. Since the government preaches creativity, then we should all be creative. We should be proud of Mr Brown. Mee siam with cockles anyone?

9) BCG Injection Scar
Should Malaysia or Indonesia want to annihilate Singaporeans, it will be an easy job for them. Kill those with BCG injection scar on their left arm. Hmm, if you see some weirdos in other countries, roll up their left sleeves to double-check whether they are Singaporeans.

8) E.R.P Gadget (inclusive of cash card)
This is our so called key to the Heaven's door. Without this, your vehicle can go no where. We we past the gantry, the gadget will *beep*. We pay tons of money on this shit and yet the number of cars in Singapore still increases and so too does the traffic jam. *Beep* you! What a policy!

7) A Cell Phone / Handphone
Even primary school students are owning a set of their own. Soon, with the greying population gone, every one in Singapore will know how to use a handphone and most importantly, every one of us will own one set each in the future. The next thing you know, Singapore will have our own local handphone manufacturer.

6) A Certificate From NUS
This is a must have paper as NUS is deemed to be the best in Asia and one of the finest in the world. With it, you can go any where and soar to greater heights and so you think! Even with this paper, not all can enter Mecca and North Korea. So what did i tell you about complacency?

5) 21 years of age
If you are not 21, then you are not yet a Singaporean. You see, at the age of 18, you will be given a rifle or pistol during NS, a weapon that can change your life as well as the lives of those around you. Holding a weapon is not a game, it is about life and death situation. However, even though you are allowed to hold a weapon at that age, you are still deprived of suffrage. Up till now, i still do not understand why we can't vote at 18. If we are deemed not mature and responsible enough to vote at the age of 18, why then are we allowed to hold weapons?

4) HDB flat
This is a basic necessity. This provides us shelter from falling tree branches.

3) Cash (includes credit)
Without cash, you cannot accomplish your obligations like shopping, playing lottery and most importantly, pay fines and taxes.

2) A Car
This is a must have item. It doesn't matter if you can't afford it. It is compulsory to get one. You can always pay instalment. Maintainance and petrol fees can be taken from your meal allowance. It doesn't matter if your children do not eat because as long as you have a car, every thing will be fine.

1) A Pink I/C
This item is our prized posession. Without it, you can call youself a slave. So you think slavery has been abolished? Think again! O.R.D oh!


Top 10 Ways To Spot Singaporean(s)

10) If you see him pushing his girl friend down the train track
- He must be a Singaporean scholar; high in IQ but low in EQ. Let us not be too cocky. It's okay to be humble at times. Haha. I pity them. A victim of their own success.

9) Speaking a strange language
- If you are talking with someone who claims that he or she speaks English but you do not understand them at all, most probably he or she is a Singaporean. Singapore's Integrated Resorts (IR) will close down after 2 years of operation because they will make a heavy loss in gaming. Dealers will ask the foreign visitors,'dew or no dew?' I bet even Borat don't understand that.

8) If you see someone wearing a kebaya in European countries
- She must be a Singaporean air stewardess. But not practical bitch! It's so cold in most European countries.

7) If you see someone driving a luxurious car, according to Malaysian standards, into Malaysia
- A Honda Civic or Toyota Camry is considered a luxury car. On the other hand, a Subaru WRX or Mitsubishi Evo Lancer is considered a white elephant. Drive at your own risk.

6) If someone tilts one's car side-way whilst pumping petrol in one of Johor Bahru's petrol kiosk
- Never ask how many dollars the petrol cost. This shows you are arrogant. It's Ringgit dude.

5) If someone walks at a break neck speed from point A to point B for no apparent reason especially in Orhard Road
- Time and tide wait for no man they asserted.

4) If you see someone squatting on a toilet bowl seat
- And so they thought the higher your ass is, the more gravitational pull there will be and the easier the shit will be excreted.

3) If you spot him punching a bus driver in the face
- So gentleman. He would do anything for his girl friend. Aww, so sweet!

2) If you spot them in a long queue leading to a free buffet lunch
- Remember the car that they bought? Yeap, they can't afford to pay for their lunch. In addition to that, they are cheap-skates!

1) If someone bargains at a sale
- A money well spent. That's what they say, 'value for money'.

[Disclaimer]
This has nothing to do with the dead or alive. The statements made above are just my notions and i have no intention to offend any one or any thing. Siapa makan lada dia yang rasa pedas! (*translation* Only those who eat chilli will feel the spiciness). Learn to appreciate jokes. You are too tensed up. Chill!