CRIPPLER'S LAIR: God, Please Bless My Life..

I know i have been naughty but i am trying to improve but life's just so difficult for me. I am trying to hold on but deep inside, i feel like cracking. First term of university had just started but i am already feeling the stress. Now i know it is awfully difficult to handle both work and academics at the same time. I am working part-time at the moment at Science Center as an Exhibition Guide but i really do not see a point in working. Firstly, i am all taxed up with work and really have no time to mug. This job is really shit as i have to work from 9am to 6.30pm and the pay is mediocre. It is really tiring to mug after work because it is so lethargic. And my self-discipline is so lousy. If i know i will be in this shit, you would ask why then work? Hell, i have to pay my bills: outstanding hand phone bills (S$93), outstanding motorbike installment payments (2 months worth of S$280), renewal of motorbike insurance (S$450) and the bedeviling fines (S$50 for illegal parking and S$200 for littering). Do you think i have a choice? I need to work to pay for all those fucking debts. In addition to that, i need S$60 per month for bike petrol, S$30 per month for bike servicing, S$50 per month for hand phone bills, S$140 per month for bike installment payment and S$60 per month for fags. I am really in dire situation and i need help instantly. How i wish i was from a rich family but at least i am proud of my dad because he is trying his best to fork out S$3,000 to pay for my university fee per semester. I am trying my utmost best not to disappoint anyone but it is do damn fucking difficult due to my financial problems. How can i solve it? My classes are at night and i only have to go to campus on Tuesday, Friday and sometimes Saturday. I have planned every thing nicely but out of a sudden, this financial problem popped out. I am so sick. I really do not know what else to do. If i have not gone for the Jakarta trip, i would have some cash to spare and so that was what people told me but i really have no regrets because i met a Special Someone. No regrets at all! In addition to my financial burden, i am so love sick. I miss Jakarta and i miss Special Someone very much. She asked me once how come the person that we love always go away from us. She was hinting about her failed love life and the death of her beloved dad. I told her that when we love someone, sometime we have to let him or her go. By letting him or her go, that's love. You may love that person but if you guys were not meant to be together, then you have to let go. That's also called love. Just be happy for him or her. She is so nice. Very humble. Sweet and pretty. Knows how to pacify and appease you. Always encouraging and motivating you. Most importantly, she always makes me smile. Is this love then? I am sure it is but we are really two worlds apart. She's in Jakarta and i am in Singapore. The only time that i will have the opportunity to speak to her on the phone is if i pass by East Coast Park. Amazingly, you can get Indonesian phone network coverages over there. Sometimes i make myself free by going there on Friday night or Sunday just to chat with her. Another problem is that she's a Roman Catholic. I do not know where our relationship will lead to but i am just hoping and praying for the best. I always mention her in my supplication. God, if something was not meant to be, why then did you cross my path with hers? I wonder..Maybe you have your reasons. You know best..I feel like crying when i look at the problem i am facing with now: financial burden, academics and love. I seriously need help. Endure Fathi. You can make it through..

* only Veronica Jeanieta Raturosari calls me Fathi in the sweetest way..*melts*